We are jumping right in without much of an introduction. Enjoy!
The questions
What’s your name?
I go by Brooke S. Pisarsky. And yes, I always sign my middle initial for some reason.
Was I the first person you came out to? I feel as if I was, but I could be wrong. And also, I remember that you had Ellen as your screensaver on your desktop computer in college.
Brooke: Hmm…girl that was so long ago, I can’t remember! If you weren’t the first, you were certainly one of the next. And yes, I had a HUGE girl crush on Ellen (before she became a bit of a sketchy Hollywood weirdo). I still have the TV Guide issue featuring her on the cover when she–and her TV character–officially came out.
Emily: Ellen is sketchy? I must have missed that. I do like (and own) her kicks.
Brooke: Eh, she’s had more than her 15 minutes I think.
Emily: Speaking of, just today she announced she’s ending her talk show. Timing is amusing. Anyhow – back to you…
Brooke: It’s funny; coming out to myself was, I think, a weirder process than coming out to others. I had been a passionate advocator for gay rights in high school due to a very close friend. But I had always staunchly thought of myself as very 100% straight despite these alliances.
Emily: I am sure you’re not alone. I’d guess that most people start with the default “I’m straight” and then have that attraction or crush that makes them go, hmmmmm.
Brooke: Yes, I found myself thinking a LOT about the student leader of one of the college groups I was in, and trying to cozy up to her. She invited me to hang out/sleep over in her room and throughout the course of the night, and I kept feeling really…confused. Like, I kept thinking “this woman is awesome, she’s like the big sister I never had!” but then also thinking “but then why do I want to KISS her?” That was the first time I really had to look at myself & my own desires. It was my first queer awakening, which then quickly morphed into a full-blown, all-out passionate crush on the woman who would go on to become my wife.
Emily: I remember when you came back from one of your first dates with your now-wife (in college), and you talked about this moment in her car where your hands touched and sparks flew. I was so happy for you.
Do you feel accepted in Maine as a married gay couple, by your fellow Mainers?
Brooke: Such a hard question. Yes? I’ve been one of the lucky few to have not encountered any overt bigotry since coming out. I’m a cis woman, so unless I’m out & about with my spouse, I read as “safely” straight. And even then, I’m sure many people just assume that we’re pals.
Being painfully shy & socially awkward (which may be hard to believe given all of this verbal diarrhea I’m spewing here), I’m not really part of a queer community. Which I feel guilty about because my kids could certainly benefit from seeing other families that look like theirs. And I feel like I could benefit from being part of a community that reflects one core aspect of my identity. I identify as pansexual, finding myself attracted to people along the whole gender spectrum. I just happen to be in a long-term, committed, monogamous lesbian relationship.
Emily: Maine is an amazing place for me, mostly because it holds a lot of my favorite people (including you and my sister). Life is so damn complex. I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to act a certain way or do certain things. I’d guess your community is broader than you even realize, because of this glorious thing called the internet.
Sewing is life
You own your own business now, which is based on your sewing – HOW DID YOU LEARN TO SEW?
Brooke: Funny story: back when I was in junior high, it was still the norm for girls to take Home Ec & boys to take Industrial Arts [insert massive eye roll here]. Though there were some trail blazers who went against the grain, I was not one of them, so I resigned myself to baking muffins and sewing culottes. Anyway, I must’ve hit it off with our cranky Home Ec teacher for some reason; she really seemed to take a shine to me, despite my less-than-perfect end products (sewing corduroy is a BITCH, don’tchaknow).
At the end of 9th grade, there was an awards assembly for the 9th graders moving up to the high school. The principal had just announced that the next award was the Home Ec award. I distinctly remember leaning over to the girl sitting next to me & whispering, “Jeez, I’d hate to be the loser getting that award.” Of course, we can all guess that I was said named loser, because karma is a bitch. So, perhaps my crafting identity came into being at that moment, as I became (begrudgingly) Ms. Home Ec.
Emily: You are totally Ms. Home Ec.! I took Home Ec., too. I sewed a pillow. And growing up, my mother made me hem my own pants, so sewing was a critical life skill in my house. Thank goddess they make petite length pants now, and the only things I sew are buttons or ripped items.
Brooke: I honestly don’t remember when I actually learned to sew sew. I didn’t even have a sewing machine until my wife got me one for Christmas a hundred years ago. In fact, it ended up sitting pretty much unused until I got baby fever. Somehow, I got it into my head that I was going to make my baby some flannel blankets. So I just kind of…dove right into it. I just used the internet to find patterns and tutorials and then just went to town.
When I had my daughter, I got it into my head to make her a personalized, appliqué t-shirt for her first birthday. Which then turned into me making her an appliqué t-shirt for each birthday thereafter, which then turned into appliqué birthday shirts for allll the kiddos in my life. People constantly kept telling me that I should sell them. I sat on the idea for a long-ass time before one day I pulled the trigger and set up an Etsy shop. In fact, my dear friend, you were PippiLu’s very first customer. You ordered that rainbow pegasus shirt for J’s birthday.
Emily: Yay!
Brooke: So, I did shirts for a bit, but then wanted to stretch my creative muscles & taught myself how to sew bags and masks, and now I’m working on coasters and baskets. What really fuels my desire to sew? I am a HARDCORE fabric junkie. Like, I-should-be-in-a-twelve-step-program kind of fabric addict. So if I have all this fabric, I should really make something with it, y’know?
And let me here publicly thank you for your support in my little business. You have been one of my best customers & damn girl, you’re getting me all teary now…
Emily: Girl. Please. I get to walk around with items that tell people to fuck off (fabric for the win), and it makes me very happy.
If you wanted to expand your business, what would you need to do? Or, are you happy with your business as it is? It’s not every human that can start their own business, so kudos.
Brooke: Thinking about this gives me full blown anxiety. I didn’t go into this with much of a plan. It was a fragment of an idea that I just pulled the trigger on, which is just not like me, a very Type A kind of planning person. I have no idea if I’m doing this the “right” way & constantly have to talk myself off of ledges because I don’t measure up to my Instagram idols.
The funny thing? Despite my profound lack of knowledge and overwhelming sense of insecurity, I feel like I have finally found my THING. Y’know? That THING that you do that feels meaningful and important and worth it, even if you never attain whatever society claims is success. This is a vastly different profession than I ever would have imagined for myself (which we’ll discuss in part 2 of this blog post), but I can’t even envision going back to a traditional job. I am so lucky that I have that option. It has not been easy, but I am grateful that between my wife’s job & my freelancing proofing gigs, we have been able to make it work.
Emily: YES.